Leaping Into 2021: My Spiritual Goals

I’ve already tried to type this up and it got far too personal for my liking. It’s a hard subject to really get into and deeply personal, obviously. Some of this may come off vague or even shallow….I dunno because I can’t fill in blanks and paint a better picture for you without it getting too private. So anyway, I think I’m going to stick with this…

In 2017, I suffered a great loss in my family. It changed family dynamics forever. The gist is that the immediate family I had left, wasn’t so supportive of me. I’ve always been the black sheep. They are passive aggressive, sweep their dirty laundry under the rug, and never want to admit they did something wrong. Whereas, I speak my mind. I tell the blunt truth and stand for honesty/accountability (including within myself). I stand up for myself to the point of defensiveness (I worked on it!). They don’t like that. I believe in trust, communication, and unconditional love. They like their way better. I learned quickly that I couldn’t get my family to just see me for me like my friends did. They had their minds made up and nothing I said or did was going to make them see…reality. It was easier for them to blame me than to face the pain they had caused me and the reason for our current division.

Long story short, I found my flaws. I found my triggers. I learned to calm that inner hurt. I’m by no means “cured” lol I’m human. I slip up and get really worked up over some manipulating thing they do to me or another. Yet, I also learned not to react to them and I don’t. I don’t engage with passive aggressive behavior. I don’t defend myself anymore. They can think what they want. That’s not my cross to bear anymore. It’s been really, really life changing.

The reason for spelling this all out is, because I’m going to be looking “inside” myself again in 2021.

When 2020 got to be too much to handle, I fell down the rabbit hole. I needed a life line and I found one! I found these spiritual videos that really spoke to me. They woke up a part of me that was being ignored for years while I gave and gave of myself to everyone who needed a piece of me. (or took too much of me!) And I felt like I hadn’t felt in YEARS! Haha It was amazing!

I soaked up all of the knowledge provided in those videos like a lil sponge. Hehe I craved more. I went to the source and found a little more. I read books recommended to me and they tapped into a part of myself that I really missed. Again, I found joy!

Next, I found one more spiritual bit of information and I jumped on it! So, basically, the short version (I’m not qualified to explain the spiritual side) is that I have 11 Archetypes/Goals for myself. These are based on Ancient beliefs of the Mayan, Toltec, and Aztecs. The belief is that you use a mirror (smoke & mirrors!) to reflect and reprogram your subconscious mind. I reflect on myself, find what needs to be worked on and work on it. So, it’s like when I found my Triggers and I worked on not letting them Trigger me anymore. Ya get me? Its “inner” work and only I’m capable of doing it. I’m really excited because when I did something like this before, it had such a positive outcome.

So, since there are 11, I thought I’d focus on about one per month. This is approximate because you can’t time this kind of thing, but it gives me a ballpark. Now, 1 is quite simple and 2 will require more work. So I’m making them both my goals for January.

I can’t type up all 11 Archetypes. When I wrote them in my journal (for my 2021 Goals) it took me 5 hours! Lol I was being distracted though! Anyway, if you are interested and want to learn more…DM me over on TWITTER and I will give you a link to the source of information herself. She explains everything so much better. I’m just trying to make it super easy.

Goal One (1st Archetype: The cosmic eye, Toltec Name: Moyocoyani) for me is to “send an intention on how you wish to be reflected in the world.” How do I want people to see me? I think I have that one pretty figured out due to all of this previous soul searching. So, I’m going to think on it a little more, make note/write it down and send that “out” and then I’m going to head to goal 2.

Goal Two (2nd Archetype: The Ego. Toltec Name: Yocoya) is far trickier. I need to acknowledge the parts of me that block my fluidity, flexibility and impede my growth. Not an easy challenge, because if I just skim the surface, I’m not helping myself at all. I’m gonna dig deep on this one. I’m planning on using my journal to write down all my thoughts/feelings/etc for this journey and see where it takes me! With Goal 2 I need to identify the ideas I have of myself that impede progress and get rid of said ideas. Sounds easy. It’s SO not. Lol! Been there, started that, and it’s harder than it seems.

So, these are my goals for January! I plan on continuing with my journal and following these Toltec Archetypes. I am hoping they help me grow and evolve into a better person. Continuing to grow and be better and better is my overall goal here. I don’t wanna be stagnant and stuck in a holding pattern ever again.

Lastly, my other goal for 2021 is to seek out new experiences. We aren’t talking a trip to Hawaii (but I aint mad at that thought! Lol) I’m talking about learning how to do something new or doing something special with someone I love.

Life has been wild this past year. I’m in my late 30s, currently Separated and just waiting until I can afford a divorce/single mom life. My kid is getting a lil older and I’m ready to branch out and take care of me more when I can. (Cuz I’ve kinda sucked at that for the past few years lol) Soul searching led me to acknowledge things about myself that I kept dormant…so I finally came out. So that’s a new adventure. It’s been wild, right? Not to mention awakening my spiritual side again (not traditional religion) and the part of me that loves information and different cultures and helping people. My exploration side, I guess. hehe

I want experiences that tap into all of the areas I love. I want to try new things (always wanted to skydive!!! Lol but that costs serious cash soooo probably not gonna happen). I want to read books about things that I didn’t know but have always wanted to learn about. Maybe explore what I read? I want to go places (affordable) and enjoy nature. I want to see, smell, taste, hear, touch things that are all new to me. New Year, New Experiences! Memories last longer than possessions, ya know?

So that’s my 2021. I know I can do the personal growth stuff despite Covid mania. I’m unsure about the experiences part. Everyone wants experiences right about now, huh? Lol But I’ll see what I can do.

What are your goals? I hope you succeed!

Wish me luck! Until next time,


Fantasyland: How America Went Haywire: A 500-Year History by Kurt Andersen Thoughts/Review

Disclaimer: I write from the heart. It’s pretty organic. My grammar sucks and I don’t really care cuz it’s my blog lol If you don’t agree with my thoughts/views, that’s absolutely cool just please be kind. This post will mostly be my thoughts and opinions, not so much a traditional review. You’ve been warned! Lol Please feel free to chat in the comments or DM me anytime over on Twitter or Instagram (but I’m not usually on IG anymore lol I’ll find it eventually though!) I’d love the conversation. A lot of friends IRL aren’t into this kind of stuff and I need someone to chat with about it!! Hehe Also, ummm this post is gonna be LONG. Sorry, friends. Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn ya…here we go!

Ya know, as a society, we are always striving for more. We want bigger, better, faster but we rarely stop and consider the consequences. People aren’t happy in their own skin or enjoying the beauty of nature. Here, where I live, I used to be surrounded by GREEN. Now, the Green is mostly gone. In its place you now find buildings, parking lots, for sale signs on what little green is left. People cry in the summertime, “Boo hoo the flooding is out of control.” Ya know who did that? You did! You took away nature. You took away the soil, plants, trees that absorb all of that extra rain water. I want to scream, “You did this! Be more mindful!” but who really listens? They want more buildings, more shops, more freakin Chinese take-out. (and yes, I love me some sweet and sour chicken too!) *eye roll* Its made me wanna move to somewhere Green again.

My point is, bigger isn’t always better. Everything is connected and there are consequences for every choice. This book focused on our choices over the past 500 years. I think the author did a brilliant job of bringing awareness to something we are rarely aware of. Here’s my review/thoughts!

I gave Fantasyland 4 out of 5 stars. If you choose to read this book, I think you will gain a lot of knowledge and awareness about our history as a country. You will learn about how religion came into America and how it shaped America. You will learn about medicine, politics, Hollywood, so much more. This book is about people seeking a fantasy of the world they want. It’s about people influencing how we think every single day and we didn’t even realize it. It’s quite interesting and yet frustrating how one thought in one area shapes the others. You really have to read it. I suck at explaining this one. lol

Writing Style:

I enjoyed the authors voice/writing style. It was welcoming, easy to understand and had a good flow.

There’s this crazy dichotomy between him kind of slamming things I do indeed believe in and yet him making total sense and that intrigued me. Lol I’m very open-minded to seeing other viewpoints and he really gave me some! I enjoy thinking about things in a new way. I love a good challenge in thought aaand I love to challenge thought. So this was cool. Lol Also, he was crazy sarcastic and I am ridiculously sarcastic. I loved it! Hehe

General Thoughts and Opinions:

I love how this book really focused in on how our perceptions (not truth/fact) drive us to believe something. Then we act on that and spread our personal perceptions to others. Get it? The next person interprets what they heard using their own system of beliefs and passes that on. On and on we go.

Have you ever heard of our Reticular Activating System? I learned about it in college many years ago and was reminded of it when typing this up. Basically, the human brain can only take in and process so much information at one time. So if I walk into a room, there’s SO much to see/feel/hear/smell/touch. Our bodies can’t take in ALL of it, so our brain chooses which things to “record” and which ones to throw away. Guess how? Based on our likes, dislikes, perceptions, past experiences, etc. So it’s all subjective. I may be drawn to the video game that is playing and never catch that people are speaking to me. I filtered them out, oops! Now I don’t remember them even being there. You may go straight to those people but never notice the two fighting in the corner. Then your version of reality is that everyone was having a great time when you arrived. It’s perception and not always the entire picture. This is where this book hit home for me. I really enjoyed this discussion about perception and spreading of information. My examples may suck, but I hope you get my point. lol

This book makes you wanna go out there and FIND the truth rather than wait for someone to inform you via book/documentary/etc because it’s their interpretation. By the same right, my own thoughts would be biased, wouldn’t they? hehe As a free thinker, I think that’s kinda cool to think about. (How many times can I use the word “think” in one sentence? Lol!) Such. A. Nerd. lol

In my opinion, this book is about bringing awareness to the fact that we are constantly spammed with “facts” that aren’t facts, truths that maybe only have the tiniest grain of truth, and other peoples perceptions. We take in all of this information and we tend to believe it. It effects society as a whole and can really mess with us personally if we buy into the “wrong” thing.

 People take advantage of how we “fall for” this propaganda/branding and it’s heartbreaking to read about how people dupe others on their quest for power. 500 years and we still haven’t evolved from that. How sad, right? People quickly learn how to take advantage to gain the upper hand. “Ohhh this is what works? I’ll get rich? Ok! Let’s do that!” No compassion. No empathy. No thoughts of a bigger picture and damage that could be done. Then they use that power and we blindly follow. Over and over again. Protect yourself by thinking/researching before acting. Question everything. I’ll repeat that later…and then probably again. haha

It’s so hard to get the truth because everything is a sales pitch anymore. Even as humans, we sell an image of ourselves. Look at instagram…uh huh. We project what we want the world to see, but not necessarily what’s true. We dye our hair, wear make up, and try to look hot to go on a first date. We sell an image. Is that bad? Certainly not! It’s just that we project an image and hope someone likes us based on that image. How about you like me with no make-up (I almost never wear makeup lol) and my yoga pants with a hoodie? That’s the real me, baby. Whatcha think of that? lol And Social Media… Hence the obsession with numbers of followers or how many Likes we get. Who cares? It’s not a measurement of your worth, that’s for damn sure.

The thing about this too is that people don’t know they are being fed misinformation or even biased information (instagram or online/news in general). So they aren’t blindly following/falling in line, they go by what they read/heard/saw. We need to question more, I think. I’m pretty skeptical and I don’t hand out trust on a silver platter. So I tend to question A LOT. I’m super private online and don’t give out any personal info/pics until I’ve known people for years. Even then, I seek proof first. Haha Trust, it’s a bitch. Sorry!

For example, he brings up some cults in this book. I’ve always felt bad for people caught up in cults. They are just searching for a purpose and happiness only to be taken advantage of. Oftentimes, they are taken in/exploited at times when they are at their weakest and they don’t see the “danger” before them. It’s hard not to feel for them. I definitely can’t judge them for pursuing what they felt could be a better life or wanting to fit in somewhere. Judgment never helped anyone. Knowledge is power though. Awareness, in the form of this book, is key to stopping things like that from happening, right? Moral of the story, read more! hehe


To me, there’s science and there’s everything else. There’s science in everything, no doubt, but I’m referring to something tangible. Science, generally speaking, is something that can be proved or disproved using a lab for example, ya get me? It’s facts and data. The “everything else”: astrology, a belief that there is life out there besides our planet (yup, aliens), the ancient Mayans or Toltec Archetypes (hehe my 2021 goals) these are things I believe in but I’m not sure if I call them science. Hmm? Food for thought. That’s a personal opinion, not a truth. Religion, however, is not a science. It’s myth. It’s spiritual, not science. This again is my opinion. It factors into the book, so I mention my views now.

So, when discussing religion, I should mention that this book had more religious discussion in it than I expected. I thought it had more political connotations and that’s why I read it first (because of what we are currently experiencing). This is not a fault of the book or the brilliant woman who recommended it. I love religious discussion and I enjoyed the look back at how religion shaped this country, how it shaped how people thought and how it still happens. That said, I was glad that I read a large part of The Secret Teachings of All Ages first. (It’s basically an encyclopedia of religious people/events, how everything is connected, and so much more.) Fantasyland tended to give the abridged version of what happened in order to keep the pacing. Which is great! Except the devils in the details and this girl has too many questions not to give me details! Haha

I personally think the cool thing about the differences between religions, is that if you sit back and really take in each perspective, it can open your eyes to so much more. Ya get me? You can think for yourself and interpret for yourself what feels true to you because now you have many perspectives. This is why I enjoy this kind of …study/thought. I don’t “follow.” Never been a follower. I like to think for myself and make my own choices, whether people are happy about that or not. lol So I love exploring this stuff. Since I was a kid, I was on a quest to learn more about different religions and WHY they believe what they believe. I used to climb trees barefoot, with a book of course, and imagine I was with the Mayans reading hieroglyphs in order to find treasure. Yup, Fun fact about me there. Lol The author, however, believes this pick and choose religion thing leads to Fantasyland. I respect that and see his point, but I like having choices. hehe

My religious beliefs..hmmm. I grew up Catholic, was forced into attending church and these Catechism classes (ugh, repressed memories….make it stop! lol) BUT I did believe in God/Jesus/Mary/Heaven/Hell….you get the idea.

As I grew older, I stopped attending church, kept Jesus in my heart, and questioned the hell outta everything.

 So when I learned that the Catholic church was massively against the LGBTQ community….haha I abandoned that church so damn fast. Bye bye being Catholic. I went on a journey of self-discovery. I read books on Christianity and tried to see where I “fit in”, what could I stand behind and what did I believe in? I hopped around a bit (got to do Habitat for Humanity! So rewarding!) but nothing took root.

 I still had so many questions and wanted to seek out other religions for their answers. This area of interest was dropped from my life for a bit though (long story) but I have picked it back up and exploring thoughts/ideas/myself is my main focus now. I love to learn though. So as for religion, I don’t know what I believe exactly. Reading books like this and Secret Teachings, it really opens my eyes to things I didn’t know and my hunger for more knowledge is pretty insatiable. I highly respect everyone’s right to have their own beliefs and welcome conversations on this topic! 🙂 My friends all have their own unique religious beliefs and I think that diversity is cool.

If I had to define how I feel about spirituality at the moment, I’d say that I believe all things are connected. The cosmos, the earth, every living thing on this planet, it’s all connected. You can’t eliminate or harm one organism without it affecting the whole. Cause and effect is basic science, right?

 So if that’s a species going extinct or harming people who are different from you…everything is connected and serious consequences happen. We need to show compassion all the way across the board. There’s a ripple effect, ya know?

 I wanna learn from my consequences and become a better person. So maybe for some that’s therapy to unlock past pain or for me maybe that’s ancient Toltec Archetypes. Either way, I want to continue to dig even deeper into myself and find my remaining flaws and correct them. I want to keep improving because if I’m staying stagnant and never growing, what’s the point? Who’s that benefit?

I surround myself with wonderful, incredible friends who call me out on my BS. I take what they say to heart, I learn, I grow. This is what I’m referring too. I don’t like “Yes Men” who tell you what you wanna hear. How can you improve when people tell you everything you do is “right?” How do you know to go apologize if someone is whispering “No, it’s all THEIR fault” in your ear…when it was really YOUR fault. Ya get me? I thrive on and am drawn to blunt honesty and I avoid everything else like the plague. Lol! So that’s where I’m at. It’s more about self-growth and connection than traditional religion right now for me. Hope that makes sense. I’m working on it hehe

Also, I think I’ll cover more religious conversations when I write up something about The Secret Teachings of All Ages. It makes more sense to do it there. Not that I didn’t just write a damn book here lol


Ok, remember how I mentioned that this book was more religious to me than political, well the last chapters really hit home. I won’t dwell because it’ll just get me all fired up. I will mention a few things though. (Part VI is an epic section!)

There was so much to learn in so few pages left. I mean, the Republicans stand on global warming alone had me practically pulling out my hair. UGH! I have family with this same “deny, deny, deny” mentality and I’ve given up even trying to speak to them about it because it’s so contentious. I mean I understand the whole “stick your fingers in your ears and pretend it’s not happening” ignorance thing. Some people just can’t deal, but you are subjecting this planet and future generations (people you care about, right?) to suffering! How’s that make sense? Love and compassion are not and should not be bipartisan.

Fun Fact from the book: In the Senate and House in 2014, only 8 out of 278 Republicans publicly acknowledged global warming is real. I mean, cmon.

There are conversations in this book about racism in politics. This topic deserves it’s own post and not just a blurb here. I’d recommend reading the facts in this book to learn more about our not-so-distant history with this subject. It’s too heartbreaking to get into. All I can say is that we are ALL human and we ALL deserve to be treated as such. As a country, and as whole, we don’t do enough. We haven’t learned enough from our mistakes, we haven’t come nearly far enough, we aren’t trying hard enough. Equal rights. Equal pay. No Judgment or discrimination. Compassion. Empathy. Cmon! And stop making it a “fad” where something big happens and we care and 1 month later it’s no longer discussed. Disgusting! Differences make us unique and beautiful and special! We ALL have so much to contribute to this world. Too many people hurt. So much suffering. Heartbreaking. Moving on.

The author discusses Republicans and in my opinion, these people are “Trumpers.” I don’t want to paint the entire Republican party with the same brush as Trump’s Lapdogs. In my opinion, the US needs 2 differing sides of opinion. (I’m sorta Republocrat/whatever the Demo version is or something lol I don’t like labels. I believe in legalizing marijuana, a woman’s right to choose, people can totally have guns for protection but w/strict laws, and of course LGBTQ rights/marriage. Don’t @ me to fight me on these. I stand by my beliefs.) I think what makes our country great, is the ability to have a healthy debate and ya can’t always win. This presidency however has royally effed up our system. It’s a damn free for all. Everyone is protecting their own asses. No one is looking out for this country. Fight fight fight and no cooperation. It’s a mess. If I keep going, this will never end lol So let’s wrap this up!


I think, in general, many people just want that quick jump to the top. They value the wrong damn stuff. Life should be about positive connections, not possessions. They value fame and money way too much and they will do what they feel they need to do to get it. For example, I always joke with my friend that I’m going to do these incredible things when I win the lottery. Funny story, I’ve never played the damn lottery! Lol It’s a running joke. It’s ok if you think I’m a nerd, I feel ya. My point is, some people aren’t just joking. Some people want the easy way and they don’t do good things when they get it. Those are the kinds of people mentioned in this book. Whether they are good/bad isn’t my concern. I’m not casting judgment. I do worry, however, about those who buy into the stories and fall for the tricks. So friends, always fact check like I mentioned earlier. Get references. Do what you can do to stay a little skeptical until you have reason to let your guard down. Or at least, that’s MY way of thinking. Question everything. Do your research. Think for yourself.  Don’t be afraid to use your voice! 🙂

I think this all comes down to awareness. An awareness of branding and propaganda. An Awareness of my perceptions and how they mold my beliefs (a project for 2021 for me anyway hehe). An awareness of facts and research before believing something…which I try and do already but this really solidified that. I’m thankful I was recommended this book and more thankful I got a chance to read it. Pretty cool stuff!

Credit Where Credit Is Due: Book Recommended by Michelle Rodriguez @MRodOfficial over on Twitter if you are interested in this book or topics like it. She posts some really cool stuff, lots of food for thought! Also, if interested, check out her facebook page for more discussions about spirituality. Such a treasure trove!

I guess that’s all folks! When I finish my next nonfiction book, I’ll probably be back with another discussion/review post. I have 3 to choose from and as is typically me…can’t decide which one to read next. Hehe OH and if ya wanna chat about anything I said…I’m here for it, ok? Your girl needs “me” time, deep thinking convos and all! Lol Solitary Covid life is a bitch!! Hahaha

Byeeee, Friends! 🙂

Recommending Books By Answering Specific Questions

Tagged by: Sylwia at WishFulfillment https://wishfulfillmentsylwia.wordpress.com/2020/10/24/tag-1/ or twitter @exsixtwosix

Created by Keep Reading Forward

witchesa book or character that is magical |Roar by Cora Carmack. I love this book so much! The magic system in this book is nature based and I really, really loved it!

mummies: a book or character you can’t wrap your mind around | The Iron King by Julie Kagawa. I just didn’t get or love this one at all. DNF.

vampires: a book, series, or author you can’t live without |Karen Marie Moning’s Fever Series (books 1-5). It’s the only romance series that I enjoy. I’ve read these multiple times. I love the characters and the Fae mystery element. LOVE!

werewolves: a book best read in the middle of the night |Scythe? by Neal Shusterman. lol I loved this series and it was a book I couldn’t put down. So, the less people awake to bother me…the happier I was! haha

zombies: a book you picked up for the 2nd time or continued after DNFing it |First of all, I am TERRIFIED of zombies. So I hate this question. lol BUT I think the Sarah J Maas Throne of Glass series would fit here. I just kept putting them down but sheer stubbornness caused me to keep picking them up. I had to finish! Haha I still haven’t though.

ghosts: a character you saw right through, or a book you easily predicted a twist or the ending of |My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella. I loved a couple of her books many years ago. Now, I can’t seem to find one I’m not incredibly bored by. Maybe I’m just changing as a reader and expecting more. Maybe my tastes have just changed. Either way, snoozefest on this one.

frankenstein: a book that truly shocked you |Well, I wanna say Scythe again because I didn’t think I’d love those books and I really, really did! BUT I will go with The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager. I am now a long-term fan!

skeletons: a book or character that either chilled you to the bone or got your funny bone |Books don’t usually scare me. Movies do that. I guess I could go with You by Caroline Kepnes. The stalker vibe did creep me out. Good book.

goblins: a greedy character or a character that loves gold and jewelry |I have no idea. Kaz from Six of Crows??? I dunno, ppl. LOL!

devil: a dark, evil character |Lots of dark, evil characters in the Lockwood & Co. series by Jonathan Stroud. Love those books and can’t wait to read them to my Lil One!

grim reaper: a character you loved or hated that died | I HATE when characters I love die. I’m going Game of Thrones book 1. The end.

scarecrowsa book or character that scares you |Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. Those books are SO huge and I typically can’t get into historical fiction but….I love ’em.

That’s all folks! I posted something on my blog! woo hoo! Thanks, Sylwia! I tag anyone who sees this and wants to do it! Go for it!

OurLostLibrary Diverse Lost-A-Thon

Hi friends!! It’s sure been awhile since I posted anything. Sorry about that. Today, I am here to talk about the Our Lost Library Diverse LostAThon happening July 1-31st. I want to review the challenges and make sure everyone understands them. So, let’s begin!!!!

For this readathon, I gained helped from the fabulous Jody over @onegirlreads and also from Ashley @BookishRealm (find her on twitter, IG, or her Booktube Channel! She even has an amazing blog!!) Last, but never least, Di @Disis19 is back to help with the challenges!!! So, I had some incredible help and feel really blessed this round!!

Let’s Discuss The Board!! First of all, rules are the same as previous rounds. The only change is that all books need to be Diverse reads. That can be characters, the author themselves (obviously ownvoices), etc.

All challenges are STACKABLE. That means that ONE book could meet 5 challenges! You need 5 challenges to “complete a bookshelf” and WIN! So, maybe you read only one book and declare yourself a WINNER!!! It’s that easy, folks!!

You can choose ANY challenges you want. Our Bingo Board does not move in a certain direction. If you want to aim for actual Bingo, go for it! If you want to choose 5 challenges at random, do it!! We thrive on flexibiliy!

Our Lost Library was created so that older books can get some love too. Often, we find ourselves reading the same new releases. We are trying to keep up with everyone else or read a book before everyone else gets their hands on it. So, I created OLL in order to take a pause. Maybe you can search your local library or a local sale and find a fantastic “older” treasure that booktube hasn’t heard of. That’s the origin of OLL. If you can find books that meet that “requirement,” that’d be amazing! Open our eyes to books that we don’t yet know about. If you can’t and you are excited for a new release, I don’t mind at all. I fall down that rabbit hole myself time to time. hehe

Post your TBR!!! PLEASE post your TBR on twitter, IG or if you have a Booktube Channel/Blog post it there! This makes others aware of our little readathon and maybe they will want to join in too! Also, posting your tbr will allow people to see the incredible books you will be reading. They can check back later for the reviews!

POST A REVIEW for each book completed! This can be on Twitter, IG, Booktube or your blog!! Let everyone know about this hidden gem and what your thoughts were. Maybe we will find it appealing and want to pick it up ourselves! Word of mouth in this community, can really open our eyes to new treasures! ALWAYS use the hashtag #OurLostLibrary so that  reviews will be at our fingertips!

Ashley @BookishRealm will be hosting daily #OLLBOOKCHAT questions. Each day, please look up that hashtag, check our OLL feed or you can follow Ashley herself. Look out for the question of the day, and respond whenever you can! If you miss a day, that’s fine! Respond to all questions missed when you have time! Don’t forget to use #OLLBOOKCHAT in your response so others can find your answers and we can all chat!

On to the board!!!

Non-Traditional Non-Fiction: So this means, read a Non-Fiction book that you may not normally pick up. Read a book about a topic that interests you, but you have never learned anything about. Maybe you know a little about a topic, but not enough. That applies here! 🙂

Black Speculative Fiction: The textbook definition- Black science fiction or black speculative fiction is an umbrella term that covers a variety of activities within the science fiction, fantasy, and horror genres where people of the African diaspora (the dispersion of any people from their original homeland) take part or are depicted. So, Akata Witch, Children of Vice and Virtue, An Unkindness of Ghosts would apply here!

Buddy Read: I think by now we know what this means lol I am buddy reading SLAY with Jody and I’m beyond excited!

Book Recommended To You: A friend or booktuber/blogger said this book was great and you wanna see if you agree!

Beautiful Cover Art: If you think it’s beautiful and it’s a diverse cover…go for it!

Characters of Every Color: This challenge is a little flexible and includes books that show people from all walks of life. I will be reading The Black Veins. It has rep from different races as well as different sexual preferences. Variety is beautiful!

A Book With A Message: You know going into this book that you are going to be moved. Moved into action, moved to tears, this book is going to teach you/expose you to something powerful.

Middle Grade Melting Pot: I love me some Middle Grade during a readathon. You want my example, Rick Riordan wink wink! I have Aru Shah by Roshani Chokshi on my tbr.

Diverse Graphics: These can be comics, manga, graphic novels…we are SUPER flexible. Everyone knows that a short book during a readathon is a blessing! Lol! Right???

Mirrors & Windows-Picture Book: I was informed by Ashley (a librarian) that this is a very cool Library term! So, MIRRORS are books that reflect a reader’s own life. WINDOWS are books that help us see into someone else’s reality. These would be picture books that you might read to the little ones in your life to help educate them about race, or sexual preferences, etc. Examples I would include, Prince & Knight or Black, White Just Right!

Love is Love: This is a romance novel. If two people are falling in love, outta love, the title has LOVE in it lol…it fits! I am reading Let’s Talk About Love. It’s also a buddy read with Veronique @booksunhealthy!! I’m very excited!

Diverse Author: I think we all know what this means by now!

Diverse Retelling: A retelling of an old classic but made fresh! I don’t know if it counts as a “retelling” because those are usual fairytales buuuut lol I am reading Ayesha At Last. It’s a Pride and Prejudice Retelling with a Muslim spin. I’m very excited!

Empowerment: I originally wanted a challenge for Female Empowerment. I think that we sadly still need to consider “Women” as a group that doesn’t get taken seriously. That’s ten fold when you add in a Woman of Color. So, I wanted to leave many challenges for female love. If the main character is strong and fighting for a cause…that’s the book for this challenge. You can also make this a book about Empowerment of a race or sexual preference or religion. I am very flexible!

Walk A Mile: So this is an adult/YA book similar to the children’s mirror & windows challenge. You are reading a book that helps you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I think it’s always good to take a step outside ourselves and see things from a different perspective. So that’s what this challenge is about.

It’s All About Pride: LGBTQIA+ love. We are coming off of Pride month and there are plenty of books to be read! Let’s do this!

Woman of Color: I just think this is an important challenge to have and embrace 🙂 I do wish that I created the title as BIWOC, but I will next time.

Historical Fiction: We know what that means, right?

International Sleuths: These are Diverse Mysteries and Thrillers! You are welcome to include horror books in here too! There is a new book out called A Deadly Inside Scoop it’s a cozy mystery. That would apply here!

Protagonist with a Disability: A Middle Grade example would be The Storm Runner. This is a Rick Riordan Presents book by JC Cervantes.

Set in Asia, Africa, or South America: This challenge leaves you open to choose books from any of these regions.

Mythology: I love mythology and I love learning about other cultures and their beliefs. So, I added this one 🙂

Translated Work: Maybe you can read Spanish and want to read a book written in Spanish? Maybe you want to read a book published in another country and can’t read their language (Luckily it was translated!) Now you can count it as a completed challenge!

BIPOC Book: Let’s discuss this. We cannot paint all POCs with the same brush. BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color. This term acknowledges that not all  People of Color experience the same level of injustice. The term Black, Indigenous and People Of Color helps to recognize those whom have suffered different levels of white supremacy, colonialism, racial injustices, and systematic oppression. So, this is the term I will be using from now on instead of just POC. You can read a Black, Indigenous and/or Person of Color book in this challenge.

Indie Book: These are books published “outside mainstream publishing”. As mentioned, I will be reading The Black Veins by Ashia Monet.

Well, everyone those are the rules and descriptions for each challenge!!! I really hope you can join us!! You DON’T have to be a member of OurLostLibrary to join us. All are welcome! You can pop in anytime during the month of July. Maybe you are only available the second half of the month? That’s fine!! Pop in!! Maybe you want to combine our readathon with another, that’s fantastic! We welcome everyone! Please spread the word! We have less than a week left!!



Rule #1 & 2020

Hey friends! I know, its been awhile! So I bet you didnt know that I flaked out this year. Yes, I completed my Goodreads Goal, but lets not pretend I gave myself a high number. Lol! I also said I was going to be keeping a Reading Journal. Well, that lasted until March. EPIC FAIL! What about me doing more blogging? Haha Nope! All around, I pretty much failed my goals lol So, what do I do now, you ask? Aaahh well that’s easy! I pretend 2019 didn’t happen and move on to 2020!!

Rule #1 To Being Me: Massively Underestimate How Much Work Something Is And Sign Yourself Up Only To Fail! Lol Bullet Journaling requires commitment and a brain that actually remembers stuff. I THINK I recall people warning me of this. Did I listen? Of course not. I was in creative mode and I was EXCITED! Until March, apparently. Waahh waahh waaah.

So this year, Im going SMALL! You heard it first! I am going to keep my Goodreads Goal at 20 again this year. I am going to read whatever the heck I want with no pressure. If I feel like DNFing a book, walking away for a bit or not reading at all…Im doing it people! I am going to take the pressure off myself and just do whatever makes me happy in the moment.

I think being apart of this bookish community is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I also feel, however, that it puts a lot of pressure on us. People are churning through books and Im still on page 1. People are doing readathon after readathon and I cant complete 1. (Except my own cuz I make it so easy. Go OLL!!) People read all the latest books and post reviews and I feel so far behind. Or Buddy Reads where I feel like I hold people back because life gets in the way of my reading. Does this happen to you?

For 2020, I vow to take it easy. I am going to keep my reading light and fun like it should be. Sometimes you just wanna get lost in a video game instead of a book and thats ok.

If its Halloween, I dont HAVE to read spooky books to be apart of the readathons. I can read them whenever and I can read fantasy in October. It will be ok!

I am a mood reader. Sometimes that mood makes me wanna follow an awesome readathons theme. It motivates me! Sometimes, thats just added pressure I put on myself so that I can join the group. Then I suffer tremendous burnout.

But ya know what that does? It takes all the fun out of reading. Reading becomes an obligation or a chore. Its yet another thing this Mommy has to squeeze into her busy day and not something this Mommy escapes to anymore. “I must read this many pages!” “I have to finish this book by Wed so I can start this one!” Enough!

These are my 2020 Goals. If you read this and you wanna join me in my goals, please let me know! I need to hold myself accountable this year. I dont want to look back on 2020 and be disappointed. I want to look back, remember all that I enjoyed and be proud of myself!

2020 Reading Goals:

1. Read whatever I want, whenever I want. No matter the time of year, if it looks appealing, I pick it up!
2. Stick with my Reading Journal but keep it simple. I would like to look back and see what Ive accomplished. So I need to stick to this goal. Last year, I made it quite extensive and so I quit. This year, I will keep it easy. Wish me luck!
3. Avoid the Hype Train. I have been doing pretty good at this goal during 2019 and I want to keep it up. I need to really make smart choices before purchasing ANY new books. Just because I loved the last book, doesnt mean this one wont be a disappointment. Wait it out. Watch for solid reviews.
4. Quitting is ok. If a book just isnt doing it for me, put it down. Maybe I will come back to it. Maybe I wont. I just cant force myself to read anymore.
5. Participate in chats, reviews and Booktube/Blogs. I have lost touch this past year. As the months went on, it just got worse. I wanna know whats out there and I want to be more engaged with friends who bring me joy!
6. Lastly, buy books on sale. Again, I did VERY well this year. This is a goal I want to keep up. Only the most prized of books will be preordered or purchased soon after release date. Why? Cuz this girl is broke and I spend too much on books that end up disappointing me.

Well, I think that’s it! I want to take it light and easy in 2020. I want to enjoy reading and avoid slumps. Wish me luck!

OurLostLibrary May Lost-A-Thon

Lost-A-Thon is BACK for one more read-a-thon!!! In what might be our final read-a-thon, *sniff sniff* join us to celebrate all of the fun and madness that OurLostLibrary has to offer!

This read-a-thon begins May 1st and ends May 31st! Thats right! As always, we give you a full MONTH to finish those books! No pressure here! Lol!

Join us for an epic theme of Good vs Evil! We will have #OLLDailyGoals that fit the theme and #OLLBOOKCHAT questions that make you think about your Light and Dark sides! Muahahaa!

The basic rules: Choose 5 challenges from our bookshelf board. They can be any 5 challenges and dont have to go in bingo order. Challenges are stackable. So if a book meets 2 challenges, that book counts for BOTH! Woo hoo! Use the hashtag #OurLostLibrary on all of your posts so we can find you! Dont forget to post a video or blog post or even an IG post showing us your tbr! We want to spread the exciting news! Lastly, post a follow up video/post to tell us book reviews! We want to know what you thought of each and every read! Ready??

Find us over on Twitter for more info and all the rules in detail! For now, I leave you with our challenge details!

Good vs Evil:
– No Time For Romance- A book with no romance OR unconventional romance
– Stand Alone- a book thats not apart of a series
– Responsible: Bargain Book-book purchased on sale
– Caring About Others- a book about friendship, a self-help book about being a better version of you, a person risking it all to save someone/something, etc.
– Friendship: Buddy Read-read with a friend
– Sacrifice: Quick Read- any form of short book
– Hero Story- a Hero saving the world (any genre)
– Kids Save The World- middle grade book
– Dream- your dream book, a book about someone achieving their dreams, etc
– Good In The Title- the word Good
– Outside Comfort Zone- a book you normally wouldnt read or a book that may make you uncomfortable
– New To You Author
– Thriller/Mystery
– Romance
– Lusted Over Book-a book you are dying to read OR use the word Lust literally (lust in the books title, a book in the romance genre, etc)
– Gluttony: Books in a Series- a book thats apart of a long series OR use the word Gluttony literally (someone buying in excess or eating in excess, etc)
– Greed: Expensive Book-the most expensive book you currently own OR use the word Greed literally (a book about money/wealth/power, money on the cover, etc)
– Pride: Autobiography-not yours!😂 or a book about Pride/Pride in the title, etc
– Envy: Friends Fave Book or a book about Envy/Envy in the title, etc
– Sloth: Longest Book You Own or a book all about sloths😂
– Wrath: Villian Story- a villians backstory, a book with an epic villian, your favorite villian, or a morally gray character
– Monsters, Oh My!- any kind of monster or beast can be found between these pages
– Nightmare- a book about something you are afraid of or a book that will scare you or Nightmare in the title😈
– Evil In The Title-the word Evil

HAVE FUN!! A9FB68B1-8305-4EE6-9D56-7E7EBB1C6CB3.jpeg

ORIGINAL Booktuber Assortment Tag

I heard recently from a very kind and pretty cool woman that people are like a bag of candy. There are big ones. There are small ones. There are round ones and long skinny ones. They are all so different and yet they all taste just as sweet. Today I bring you the ORIGINAL Booktuber Assortment Tag. Get it? Like an assorted bag of candy???

This Tag was designed for a couple purposes. It helps us take a look at who we are watching and how diverse our favorite booktubers really are. It will also hopefully introduce you to booktubers who may not ordinarily get mentioned & whom you missed out on in the past! 🙂 If something like this has been done before & I missed it, does it really hurt to have another? Also, please feel free to name a bunch of booktubers for each answer if you have more than one! So let’s do this and gain some new fave’s!

1. Booktuber who introduced you to booktube? (The one who made you start watching or want to join) I have said this often, but it’s Sam from Thoughts On Tomes. I viewed a couple other channels and found them interesting enough. I really related to Sam though. I felt she was genuine and I really enjoyed how she reviewed a book. There were clear, concise reasons for liking or disliking a book that I could understand. She wasn’t overly peppy and in my face lol She was chill and real and I needed to be apart of this world immediately. I feel like she’s one of the most relatable people in this community no matter how high her sub count goes and is so open/accepting of all people…that is why she’s so loved. Am I right?
2. Favorite Male Booktuber. Off the top of my head, I’d say Dustin from BookBabbles and Connor from Connor O’Brien. Dustin is the nicest guy. He’s the guy you want to befriend and share all things Star Trek and nerdy with! Lol! His reviews have a way of making me feel so freaking excited to read whatever he’s talking about and his IG dessert pics make me salivate. Lol TMI! He makes me laugh, I love to hear his thoughts, and he’s someone to treasure!! Connor is a bigger name, I believe. I respect Connor immensely. Connor is my go-to Middle Grade reviewer. He reads far more than just MG, but when I really need an opinion on MG he’s the one I trust. So far, he hasn’t led me astray. He has similiar opinions to mine and his reviews really sum up exactly what I need to know. Honestly, I don’t think I purchase a MG book without his rating first…I just realized this but it’s true!
3. New Booktuber Recommendation (started in the past year) I’m having serious internet issues right now, just posting this is going to be a nightmare.(It has!! 3rd attempt and going strong) So, I can’t exactly fact check this as much as I’d prefer to. That said, Im choosing Cassie from Cassie’s Bookish Corner. I love her channel. I discovered her through twitter months ago and I’m really glad that I did. Shes a mom like me and so I found her very relatable. She chooses books that I enjoy and her reviews are top notch! I very much respect her opinions and Im lucky to have found her.
4. Favorite Booktuber Who Is A Person Of Color. Raul from LatinLector!!! I started watching Raul’s channel pretty early on. I enjoy the same books that he does and when he reviews a book, he’s really relatable. (Thats a common theme for me, if u cant tell) He gives me enough detail to make a decision of my own. His videos are laid back, like you are visiting an old friend and asking them “Hey, whats that book over there on your shelf?” He’s an overall very nice man and his dogs are so cute! Lol He also reviews books written in spanish! So if that appeals to you, give him a shot!
5. Favorite Booktuber Who Has 2k-6k Subscribers. This is hard for me, because I have sooo many. I believe that the immensely fabulous Sarah-Jane from TheBookLife is in this category. There’s no way you cant love Sarah-Jane. Her wit is inspiring. Shes intelligent, her commentary leaves me in stitches, and when she doesnt like a book shes going to let you know. Lol! Shes such a pleasure and the nicest person! Plus, Jericho Barrons for life! Lol! Also, there are my TwoPaperGirls!! Laura and Amy have been raved about quite a bit by me. Hehe I just adore these ladies. They are sweet as pie and their videos are such a joy to watch. I love most when they chat together and you feel like you are apart of their click. Lol! Its hard to explain, but I simply cannot recommend them both enough! Lastly, because I cant name 100 people, I choose to name these names and PLEASE go check them out. Harriet Rosie is fabulous! Cherrie Walker is delightful!! April Sarah is a joy to watch! StarCrossedBooks is a friend I cherish!
6. Favorite Booktuber Who Is A Woman of Color. Another hard one!! Ok, Ill try and narrow this down, because Ive found some real treasures! First of all, lets start with Frankie from FrankieReads. A list of faves would not be complete without talking about one of the most inspirational and phenomenal people I have had the pleasure of knowing. Frankie is such a joy that I cant even type this without getting emotional. Im such a baby! Lol! Ok, Frankie has pulled me up when Im feeling low, has a way with words that I would never be able to articulate. Frankie’s that person that says just the right thing at the right time and you feel so blessed to know this person. If you need a positive ray of unending sunshine, someone who has a bigger obsession with bookish candles than I know what to do with (I love this so much! Lol), someone who can recommend you a book and you instantly need to have it NOW because their enthusiasm is so infectious, someone who will touch your heart, its Frankie. Next up, Ashley from BookishRealm!! Ashley is the inspiration behind this Tag, but I adore this lady! Ashley’s videos are like this…You Go over to your bookish best friends house, grab a mug of hot chocolate, and say “Girl, I need a good book!” Get cozy and enter Ashley, friend extraordinaire. Her videos are just that! They are cozy and friendly chats about books. You nod your head “Yes, girl!” You laugh (check out her Vlogmas intros as she sings! Lol Love it!) You get an honest opinion about books AND she reads pretty much every genre I can think of. Seriously!! Children’s Picture Books, Chapter Books, Middle Grade, YA, Graphic Novels, Adult and every genre! I consider her channel to be one of my favorites and Im thankful to know her via Booktube. Last but not least, Jade from BedtimeBookworm. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy Jade’s reviews. Honestly, Theres something special about her writing(via her blog) and how it envelopes you. I am pulled in with her words and how shes describes each element of a book via blog or video. I honestly strive to be the reviewer that she is and know that I probably never will be. I trust her opinions 100% and her review will instantly make or break me picking up a book. She covers all areas that I need to know without at all spoiling story plots. They are well thought out and concise impressions and I cant stop gushing! Lol
7. Booktuber who has over 10k subscribers but deserves more. Sam from SamsNonsense wouldnt you agree? I cannot repeat her name enough. She is one of the sweetest, funniest, most heartfelt and entertaining booktubers out there. I relate to her on many levels and shes never anything but herself. If I dont check in with a Sam video, I feel like I missed a chat with my best friend. Shes so interactive and genuine with her followers and she really puts her heart out there for all of us to see. When she reviews a book, you get nothing but honesty even if that book was just shipped to her by the publisher. I admire her for it.
8. Favorite Booktuber For Positive LGBTQ+ Representation. Sylwia from WishFulfillment is my FAVORITE!! Sylwia has the greatest format for reviewing books. Off the top of my tired brain, I cannot quote her criteria with any accuracy lol I can say that she notes if the book has positive representation, problematic content and how does it cover the subject matter (shes totally going to laugh at my dumbed down explanation right now, I just know it! Lol) She delivers such important information in such a wonderous, humorous tone. I laugh hysterically at some of her unscripted videos and even the scripted ones make you giggle at her incredible personality. So, you get this much needed information, as well as some humor. Whats there not to love? Her wrapped books idea is GENIUS! Shes an asset to your sub list.
9. The Booktuber who best represents your reading preferences. I choose all of the above. How about you?

Note: I chose POC vs WOC so that men or people who identify as anything besides female, can be represented. If you don’t know of any POC besides women, you may include another woman. Please check out other people’s tags to find some though! There are so many quality WOC on this platform that I felt they needed their own category so they didn’t have to compete with men, etc.

Also, while our sexual preferences or the color of our skin are not specific reasons to watch our content, they can open people up to new books/opportunities that they may have missed out on. One of my fave Booktubers reviews books looking for problematic content/positive representation/etc. Some reviewers find books that best represent what they look like, as they should. We can hear about those books and read them too! These are reviewers we should strive to include in our daily/weekly/monthly viewing. You can never learn another persons perspective or open yourself up to new ideas if you keep those doors closed. Let’s throw those doors OPEN!

If you have found any reason to be offended with this tag, as it mentions sensitive content, I apologize. Please speak to me kindly and leave a comment letting me know why so I can rectify the situation. If I am met with any hostility, I’m sorry but I won’t be responding to that. Your opinion will be read and respected though.

I apologize for no Links. If you had any idea the nightmare I have went through in order to post this…omg. This is the 3rd time I’ve written this and this round…I’m hand texting it. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this! After all this drama, I’m beat! I need some serious chocolate! Lol!

I hope this Tag grows, as many of mine do not lol. I hope that it remains positive and channels grow with subscribers. Good Luck!

To those of you mentioned and those of you not, if Im subscribed to you, I value you! Your voice is important and thank you for sharing with all of us, especially me. Im so thankful for being apart of this community and wish I could show it more.

SamsNonsense Presents The Ultimate Christmas Tag

I bring you SamsNonsense’s The Ultimate Christmas Tag!!!! Insert trumpet sounds here! I sadly cannot include a link right now, because my internet sucks. I will however link Sam’s Twitter info to the Tweet about this post! Sorry, to Sam 😦 She is AMAZING and her video made me laugh so hard! It’s absolutely worth a quick little search! Then, subscribe. Then, watch all of her videos. Then come thank me for referring you to her goodness. LOL! ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

    1. What is your favorite Christmas Tradition/Routine? My traditions have changed a lot over the past few years, sadly. One that my husband and I started still remains. Every Christmas Eve, we watch The Muppets Christmas Carol, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and Bill Murray’s Scrooged. I refer to me “watching” Scrooged lightly, because in all reality I always fall asleep! Lol My husband has given up on me! haha
    2. Favorite Christmas Book (Or one you want to read) I don’t think I have a favorite Christmas book. I usually just choose 2 or 3 Christmas themed titles and read them over the course of December. I’ve always wanted to read The Christmas Carol though. I’ve never actually done it, as classics are for smarter people that I. Lol!
    3. First Christmas Memory I’m trying so hard to remember anything besides running down the steps, seeing a Christmas tree surrounded by presents on Christmas morning! Haha That’s all I’ve got, I think. It’ll come to me after I post this, you watch! I’ve got it!!!! I remember jamming out at the top of my little lungs to Feliz Navidad!! It was this Sesame Street on Ice kinda movie. I don’t know, but I remember LOVING that song before I had any clue what it meant! Haha At the end, the Sesame Street characters came out on an ice skating rink and sang the song. Good Times!
    4. Favorite gift you’ve ever received. I have a doll that I received my very first Christmas. I still have her and she’s a most prized possession. I also have the Kindle my Dad bought me before he passed away last year. I’ll never let anything happen to this Kindle, no matter what. He knew how much I needed one and he chose the cover, the carrying case, went over all the details with me so I would love it. It’s special.
    5. Your Go-To genre to read at Christmas I usually go with “Hallmark” style lol I’ve tried Christmas Mysteries and they never give me the warm fuzzies Christmas does, ya know? So I end up going with the sappy stuff. That said, I’m SUPER picky. I don’t want some shallow, no depth kinda book. Yes, they exist. Some authors churn out holiday book after holiday book. They all have the same exact formula and anyone could have written it. Boring! I need to be entertained. I need to laugh. I need great characters. No sadness!
    6. Is there a holiday tradition you’ve never tried but want to? I have never cut down my own Christmas tree. In fact, I’ve never had a real Christmas tree. It’s always been a fake one. I think it would be cool to have a real one, just once. Yet, I’ve heard you’ve gotta water it! Yikes! You need to watch out for needles dropping! Oh my! So see, I’ve already talked myself out of it! lol
    7. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Year ago, I would have said Christmas Eve. My family had an incredible family tradition on Christmas Eve and it was something I looked forward to every year. That no longer happens, so I think I’m going to say Christmas Day with my Lil One. Seeing the joy on your child’s face when Santa brings them a toy is priceless.
    8. Favorite Ornament? Ooo this is tricky! I have ornaments that children made me when I was a preschool teacher. Those mean a great deal to me. I have this incredible ornament of Ariel and Prince Eric spinning in the boat. You know the one, “Kiss The Girl”!! I have sentimental attachments to every single one. I just can’t choose!
    9. Favorite Christmas movie & Least Favorite Christmas movie. Favorite Christmas Movie is either Muppet Christmas Carol or Claymations Christmas, but probably Muppets. Least Favorite Christmas movie is The Christmas Story. I get bored every single time I watch it. I’m so sorry. People are not going to like that answer! haha
    10. Online shopping or In-Store? In Store. I just like browsing and choosing the perfect gift. You can’t hold something online and so, sometimes that doesn’t work for me. Though online sales are perfection! lol
    11. Favorite Christmas Song & Least Favorite Christmas Song. Favorite Christmas Song is tricky. I have quite a few, ask my husband lol I may play them on repeat starting in November. Yes, I’m THAT person. I love the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Once Upon a Christmas cd. I’m dating myself here, but it’s just not Christmas until I’m listening to that cd. So anything from that CD is a fave. I also really love Kelly Clarkson’s Christmas CD. Wrapped in Red and Winter’s Dream being among my fave songs. I love Mariah Carey’s Christmas CD and Boyz II Men and…I should stop myself now. My favorite classic is and always will be Silent Night. Least Favorite songs, also so many to name. Lol! Blue Christmas by Elvis, is boring and sad. I think Silver Bells is boring. I’m not a huge fan of Merry Christmas Darling it’s so slow. There’s a theme here, you see it? I don’t do slow lol
    12. Favorite Christmas Flavor. If you know me, you know the answer to this one! It’s Chocolate. When isn’t it chocolate you ask? Never. It’s always chocolate! Lol! I do however love Peppermint Bark and that’s Christmas! Chocolate, yum!






I tag Jody from @That_One_Girl_Who_Reads. Has @FrankieReads done this yet? I need those answers too! Lol I’d love to see anyone from #OurLostLibrary do this Tag! Please show me!!

Bookish & Invisible

I know that some incredible talents in the book community have doubted their channels. I’ve heard them say that their follower counts are down or not moving. I think no matter how big or small we are, we doubt ourselves.

Today, I discovered one of my favorite booktubers doing a Book Tag. I watched with a knot in my stomach as an idea I had back in January was being done under someone else’s name. This is NOT to say that the Tag Creator stole my idea. I don’t know this person and I have no clue if they know me or saw my idea.

I do know, that I worked really hard to come up with an idea that spanned all kinds of bookish people. I do know, when I promoted the crap outta this idea, I got no feedback. I gave up on it. It was discouraging.

Now, today, to see someone I greatly admire having the time to do “my” idea but I’m not able to bask in the incredibleness of it. (Yep, pretty sure I made up a word there lol) It was devastating. I felt crushed.

I often blame myself when my games or ideas don’t take off. I think I should be tweeting more. Should I have tagged people, but couldn’t that end up annoying people too? What if people are just busy and I’m being pushy? What if my idea just sucks and no one is interested?

Today, I saw that my idea was freakin awesome just as I knew it was. It’s a hit! People love it! Yet, it went nowhere for me and blew up big for them. It’s disheartening.

I’m not sure how I continue on. I do have OurLostLibrary. In fact, that’s where I pitched this invisible but epic idea. Sometimes my/friends ideas do well, like a Readathon. Sometimes, like now, my OLLGoesFestive thing flops.

I’ve been told I have good ideas, but no one does them. So, I guess they aren’t that good? Or are they only good if I was a known booktuber? Maybe that’s not fair, but I feel like I’d do so much better if I could booktube it myself. I can’t though, so I pitch it. I put it out there and hope that people like it. I don’t wanna be a HUGE name in this community, I just wanna be a name. I wanna be proud that I came up with a cool game that everyone took part in. We all had fun. I laughed and smiled while people tried it out. It would be so epic!

Instead, I feel invisible. There are so many amazing people that follow me. They have no idea the joy they bring me from Liking/RTing/Commenting on one little tweet. Yet, it really impacts me. It can bring a smile to my face when times are down or give me strength when I don’t have it. I try my best to do the same for them. To show them how much I appreciate them. To them, I wish I could do more.

As far as feeling invisible, it comes from the content I put out and the very minimal feedback I receive. I don’t know why my idea flopped until someone else pitched it. Either way, it hurts and I’m not sure how to change that.

Do you feel invisible when it comes to your content?

Christmas Loss

I was feeling some emotions today and I decided to just let them out. Please dont mind me as this may get a little rambly lol

Last December I lost my Dad. He was the heart of my family and I was the epitome of a Daddys girl. I guess I still am, right? Anyway, he loved Christmas. He loved everything about it and so losing him at Christmas time couldnt have been harder. Everywhere I turn, every song on the radio it just screams my Dad. I want to call him up and telling him about my neighbors awesome display, but I cant.

The dynamics in my family changed after losing him too. I was always a black sheep but he was my shephard pulling me back into the flock when I just wanted peace. Without him, things have gotten bad with my family. Ive never felt so misunderstood or as though my feelings were so unimportant. Anyway, its been a challenge.

This year, Im trying to find my way and deal with the grief of last year. It comes on me like waves and today they are crashing down without warning.

Has anyone else felt this before? Have you lost someone during the holidays? How do you cope?

I am running a Bookish Challenge with OurLostLibrary to keep myself busy. I am hoping it will trigger the warm, happy feelings Christmas usually brings out in me. I want to stay as positive as I can. The last year has been one of my worst and I just want to be the happy, bubbly person I once was. I miss that person. Sometimes I see glimpses of her in the mirror, but then shes gone. Im not sure how to achieve this goal exactly but I know finding what makes me happy is a great start. OLL makes me happy. This community makes me soooo happy. I couldnt be more grateful for all of you.

If you can relate, please let me know! Everyone experiences loss and everyone handles it differently. I feel like sharing some of my story could help others know they arent the only one. Maybe someone can help me too?

Thanks for reading and have a great day!