Bookish & Invisible

I know that some incredible talents in the book community have doubted their channels. I’ve heard them say that their follower counts are down or not moving. I think no matter how big or small we are, we doubt ourselves.

Today, I discovered one of my favorite booktubers doing a Book Tag. I watched with a knot in my stomach as an idea I had back in January was being done under someone else’s name. This is NOT to say that the Tag Creator stole my idea. I don’t know this person and I have no clue if they know me or saw my idea.

I do know, that I worked really hard to come up with an idea that spanned all kinds of bookish people. I do know, when I promoted the crap outta this idea, I got no feedback. I gave up on it. It was discouraging.

Now, today, to see someone I greatly admire having the time to do “my” idea but I’m not able to bask in the incredibleness of it. (Yep, pretty sure I made up a word there lol) It was devastating. I felt crushed.

I often blame myself when my games or ideas don’t take off. I think I should be tweeting more. Should I have tagged people, but couldn’t that end up annoying people too? What if people are just busy and I’m being pushy? What if my idea just sucks and no one is interested?

Today, I saw that my idea was freakin awesome just as I knew it was. It’s a hit! People love it! Yet, it went nowhere for me and blew up big for them. It’s disheartening.

I’m not sure how I continue on. I do have OurLostLibrary. In fact, that’s where I pitched this invisible but epic idea. Sometimes my/friends ideas do well, like a Readathon. Sometimes, like now, my OLLGoesFestive thing flops.

I’ve been told I have good ideas, but no one does them. So, I guess they aren’t that good? Or are they only good if I was a known booktuber? Maybe that’s not fair, but I feel like I’d do so much better if I could booktube it myself. I can’t though, so I pitch it. I put it out there and hope that people like it. I don’t wanna be a HUGE name in this community, I just wanna be a name. I wanna be proud that I came up with a cool game that everyone took part in. We all had fun. I laughed and smiled while people tried it out. It would be so epic!

Instead, I feel invisible. There are so many amazing people that follow me. They have no idea the joy they bring me from Liking/RTing/Commenting on one little tweet. Yet, it really impacts me. It can bring a smile to my face when times are down or give me strength when I don’t have it. I try my best to do the same for them. To show them how much I appreciate them. To them, I wish I could do more.

As far as feeling invisible, it comes from the content I put out and the very minimal feedback I receive. I don’t know why my idea flopped until someone else pitched it. Either way, it hurts and I’m not sure how to change that.

Do you feel invisible when it comes to your content?

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